Already enough
I’ve been thinking a lot about a podcast I listened to this past week, The Happiness Lab with Dr. Laurie Santos. It was a re-aired episode from earlier in the year and a topic that often comes up in conversation with friends. This episode features yoga teacher and author Jessamyn Stanley, whose words and journey deeply resonate with me. And while the episode focused a lot on how we live in our bodies, the core of the conversation was about how we talk to ourselves in our minds.
Jessamyn talked about how every struggle she has with herself is a universal one. That everyone, no matter what they look like, what they’ve accomplished, or how put-together they seem, is being held hostage by something. Some version of not enough.
I’ve felt that way. Haven’t you?
Because how often do we treat ourselves the way we’d never treat someone we love? We’re quick with grace for other people while withholding it from ourselves. We tell ourselves we’ll feel better about who we are once something changes. Once we lose the weight. Once we get the job. Once things settle down. Once this, once that. But that finish line keeps moving.
A good friend of mine — someone whose wisdom I greatly appreciate — has a helpful way of dealing with those negative, intrusive thoughts. She named her, gave her a whole personality. And when this intrusive “Betty” starts butting her way into the conversation, uninvited, she reminds her that “Betty” does not have a seat at this table. If “Betty” isn’t going to say anything nice, she shouldn’t say anything at all.
Here’s what I keep coming back to: we are knit together. That’s not a metaphor. The psalmist means it. God knows every thread of who we are and called it good before we had a chance to agree or disagree. We don’t earn that. We don’t grow into it. We already are it.
Jessamyn puts it this way: when she learns to accept herself, she can reflect that energy back out into the world, and it ripples. Self-compassion isn’t selfish. It’s actually one of the most generous things we can offer the people around us.
Dr. Santos sums it up beautifully: giving yourself grace is one of the biggest gifts you can offer the people around you.
So this week, I’m leaning into this practice of speaking to myself with the grace and compassion I strive to offer others. When I catch myself being unkind, I’m going to pause. Then try to speak to myself the way I’d speak to someone I love — another child of God.
The light in me sees the light in you.
Lynne Kearns
This is a beautiful reflection, Jessica. Thanks so much for sharing!
Julie LaBarre
What a wonderful way of keeping bad self talk at bay. Put a name on it. Thanks Jess for sharing this with us.
Richard Quinn
Very well put and spot on. I to have found myself doing what you just put into words. It is not very comforting and leads to a number of things–self doubt, anxiety, stress to name just a few. Thank you for this insight, just not sure which name I’m going to use, but I’m sure I’ll think of something.
Joe Payne
How true this is, Jessica. Thank you for sharing!
Suzy Schindler
Over many years, I’ve often reminded family & friends we can’t be a friend to others until we’re a friend to ourselves. That’s not selfish – it’s healthy.
tami mahl
Thanks for your words of wisdom, Jessica! I especially love this:
“God knows every thread of who we are and called it good before we had a chance to agree or disagree. We don’t earn that. We don’t grow into it. We already are it. “
Dawn Nickles
Great words to hear Jess!!
Marcia Willi
I love this simple yet important reminder, Jess! We need the “ self love “we often offer to others