Combating the winter blues
by Steve Kalber, St. Paul counselor
The winter days are colder and darker. The holiday festivities are further removed. A melancholy feeling begins to creep in. Everyone experiences a little winter funk and St. Paul counselor Steve Kalber has some tips to lessen those winter blues.
It is early January in the Midwest. Fresh and wonderful memories of the holiday festivities linger, reliving the joyful moments we will forever cherish. Friends and family gathered, set aside trivial differences and celebrated the birth of Jesus and their love for one another. The weather grew chillier and flurried a perfect dusting of snow on the Christmas Eve landscape. Gifts were shared and treasured. It was a Christmas filled with spiritual meaning, relational growth, and joy.
But now it is early January in the Midwest. The holiday decorations are carefully stored away; family has returned to distant homes and friends to their dutiful routines; chilly has turned to freezing, snow and ice blanket the neighborhood and the first day of Spring seems completely out of sight. You begin to feel the energy and pleasure of the holiday slipping away. A melancholy mood creeps in and begins to blur the good things in your life. Negative thoughts start appearing from nowhere. You feel stuck. And then you realize you are confronting the winter blues.
One way to recognize this vague dysphoria is by attending to our behaviors. When we are in the grip of the winter blues (or more seriously, Seasonal Affective Disorder) we withdraw by paying less attention to ourselves and others. We remain huddled under the blankets in our PJs all day. We bathe and groom ourselves with less frequency and interest. We don’t move around as much. Our diet contains gratifying but unhealthy foods. We stay inside. We don’t reach out to offer help or to ask for it either. Familiar and unstimulating routines dominate our day, and we become increasingly passive and averse to taking risks.
Do you want to live like this? You don’t have to. I suggest, at least for right now, you fake it.
Sometimes it is best to avoid overthinking and not become trapped in the deep weeds of psychoanalysis. One way to battle the winter blues is by confronting and changing specific unhealthy behaviors. You’ve heard of “fake it ‘til you make it.” It’s the same idea. Act like you are joyful and eventually you will feel joy. This technique, known as Behavioral Activation, has been shown to change brain chemistry.
So, what behaviors can you think of? What self-care options can you practice? How can you fill your senses with pleasurable stimulation? What risks can you take? Think of yourself as an actor on the stage. What does a ‘happy you’ act like?
Here are some ideas:
CARE for your person: Bathe and groom every day, whether you’re stinky or not. Enjoy hot showers, warm baths, steamy towels followed by clean shaves. Apply soothing lotions, fragrant oils and aftershaves. Good hygiene absolutely enhances self-esteem.
DO a do: Shampoo, condition, comb, brush, trim, style, curl, braid, color, go natural. And guys – change that face with a mustache or beard. Do a man bun. Balder guys – grow a ponytail or shave it all off. Take a risk. It will grow back.
DRESS like you are someone special: Take those holey, ratty, comfy jeans and sweats and put them at the bottom of the pile. Save them only for dirty work. Dig out those threads that you have saved for “special occasions” and experiment with your wardrobe options. Expand your duds at thrift stores or after Christmas sales. After all, every day is a special occasion.
EXPERIENCE your senses. Connect with the sounds, images, smells, flavors and textures in your life. Hear the bold and the delicate qualities of music, the crackling of a fire, the wind chimes on your porch. See the graceful silhouettes in the clouds and snow drifts. Smell the fresh bread and fresh air. Taste the hot chocolate, bourbon, spiced tea. Pet your dog or cat.
MOVE it. There is little evidence to support the benefits of 10,000 steps, but there is absolute proof that regular physical movement promotes physical and mental health. Whether it is running a marathon, hopping in your Silver Sneakers, taking the steps instead of the elevator or walking outside, seize any opportunity to move whenever it is a safe alternative for you.
HELP someone. Reach out to someone in need. Volunteer. Offer your presence, your concern, your talents, your labor, your love. It does not need to be a big commitment, just an authentic act of interest and empathy. Be assertive because often you will hear “No thanks, I’m OK”. Persevere with kindness.
BE HELPED by someone. Take a risk and openly share your needs. There is no shame in caring for yourself and asking for help. Think of how good you feel when you help someone else. By appealing to others, you are saying that you recognize and value all they have to offer. You will forge new connections and solve problems. Resist being one of those “No thanks, I’m OK” people. None of us are totally OK.
CREATE. Express yourself. Tap into your imagination and make something new. Create something fresh and uniquely expressive of who you are. It can be anything; the artistic media are endless. Consider the ordinary materials in your daily life. Take them apart, rearrange them, and put them back together in a way that reveals your passion.
EAT better. No drastic changes here! Just try for improvement. You know what to do: less processed food, more fruits and veggies, healthier fats. It often helps to connect healthy eating habits to important milestones and people, like living longer to enjoy graduations and grandchildren.
DECLUTTER. It may sound like work but think about how you felt the last time you cleaned out that junk drawer or got rid of those paint cans in the basement. By disposing of unnecessary stuff in our environment, we unburden our minds. We have greater mental capacity to challenge irrational thoughts and generate healthy new ideas.
LEAN into the season of renewal. Winter is a time of natural quietude. Don’t fight it. Immerse yourself in it. Savor the solitude. Read good books, practice yoga, meditate, contemplate nature and become more aware of the relaxing rhythms of your body.
Before you know it, the calendar tells you that Spring has arrived. You have faked it, and you have become a genuinely healthier person. The calmer, happier you goes to the window and throws open the curtains to see … piles of ashen snow, trees bent in the wind and mud where your front lawn once flourished.
Disappointed? Sure. Depressed? Not you. The elements will not control your mood. You know exactly what to do.
Counselor services available
If you find yourself feeling overwhelmed, holiday-fatigued, or just need a listening ear, reach out to staff counselor, Steve Kalber. His services are free of charge to the St. Paul community. Contact Steve at 563-326-3547 or steve@stpaulqc.org.
Becky Griesbach
Wonderful thoughts Steve!